Ramblings

Dancehall is a relentlessly creative space, constantly pushing boundaries and taking risks… but sometimes people get just a little bit […]

Children of Jamrock I say unto thee…

1. Thou shalt never race a taximan, for he hath neither fear nor insurance.

2. Thou shalt never date a woman who has a soldier or policeman as a boyfriend or husband. Should tho so doest “Love Triangle End in Murder/Suicide” shalt surely be the headline on the front page of The Star.

3. If thou seest that the sky is even slightly cloudy thou shalt not attempt to drive across any river, gully or fording.

In Part 1 of this post we noted that there are some persons who believe that Jamaica produced its finest music during the mid-1960s to 70s and never again produced music of equal quality. It’s our view, however, that while that period produced some exceptional music, Jamaica continued and continues, to produce music of the highest quality. In addition to the examples we gave in Part 1 of this post please here are some additional examples of great Jamaican music from the last 5 years or so:

Having given deep thought to the hopes, dreams and aspirations of ordinary Jamaican people the PPBP solemnly promises that if the people see fit to bestow on us the awesome honour and responsibility of forming the next government we will:

TJL had an interesting conversation (read: quarrel) with a friend recently. Our friend insisted that the mid 1960s to mid 1970s Rock Steady/Reggae era produced the finest Jamaican music ever made and the quality of same has never been equalled. He named artistes like Delroy Wilson, Alton Ellis and Ken Boothe and songs like “Dancing Mood”, “Girl I’ve got a Date” and “Everything I Own” as examples of the greatness of the period and while TJL agreed that these artistes are legends and the songs are all classics we vehemently disagree that music of equal worth hasn’t been produced since. We think that Jamaica is unusual in the world of music in that it has consistently produced great music over several decades and one shouldn’t make the common mistake of looking back at a particular era, ignoring the crap that was produced in that era (every era produces its share), lumping together the best songs, adding dose of nostalgia, and then concluding that this era or that was the greatest ever.

The habit of over-nostalgizing an era is, we think, partly caused by a misunderstanding of what makes a “classic”. Yes, a classic is a song with a superior lyric, melody, instrumentation etc but what truly makes a song a classic is the fact that it lingers in your memory long after you first heard it and it continues to evoke strong feelings each time it is heard again. Said another way, a classic is just a song that successfully captures a mood, feeling or memory in a lasting way. Even the most “frivolous” song can become tomorrow’s classic if it manages to resonate or strike the right chord (pun intended) with enough people.

To make the point we’ve put together a list of 20 songs from the last 5 or so years that we think will become the classics of tomorrow. We think these songs compare favourably with any other group of songs selected from the “golden era” of Jamaican music. In no particular order, our selections are:

Were you raised in an orphanage and find yourself unsure about your country of origin? Well have no fear ThingsJamaicansLove.com now presents its foolproof “You-might-be-a-Jamaican-Do-it-yourself-Test-Your-Nationality-Kit” –

If your natural expression is “screw face”, then… you might be Jamaican

If it takes you 0.0013 seconds to go from mild-mannered gentleman to homicidal maniac when the words “Yuh mumma” are spoken in your direction, then… you might be Jamaican.

You, your wife, your 2 kids, your gardener and your cousin Elrick in 4 Paths Clarendon all have the disease. Your dog Rambo also seems to have a strange rash and a feverish look about him.

2.  In pharmacies across the island Mosquito repellent is outselling deodorant 2-to-1.

3.  Your wife throws out a glass of ice water you left on the kitchen counter 5 minutes ago because “mosquitoes are known to breed in standing water, honey”.

We thought long and hard about writing this post.  Would a post about Jamaican slang names for the female genitalia be too much for the delicate sensitivities of Thingsjamaicanslove.com’s beloved readers? Would they be mortified and offended? Would they disapprove so strongly that they would abandon the website? Finally, we decided that since ThingsJamaicansLove.com’s mandate is to study and discuss the myriad things which “make Jamaicans Jamaican” then this was a subject we could no longer ignore.

We felt obliged to ask the question – WHY do Jamaican men have so many names for the female genitalia?  Well, I once read somewhere that the greater the love one has for a thing then the more names one is likely to create for that thing. If this is true, then its abundantly clear that Jamaican men have a deep and profound for a woman’s you-know-what as we’ve managed to create an amazing range of names for said private parts.  That in mind, ThingsJamaicansLove.com, in the furtherance of our mission of sharing knowledge and without meaning to offend, thought we would share a few of these names with you:

Age:             Response: 0-10 years: “Ga-ga, goo-goo” (Song plays in background as child is being

Are you a Jamaican who’s lived abroad for many years?  Do you sometimes feel like you’ve lost your identity? Have you acquired an American/English/Russian accent without even knowing it?  Do your kids consider America/England/Russia home?  Well, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost touch with your roots take ThingsJamaicansLove.com’s foolproof test to see you’re still really Jamaican. Answer “yes” or “no” to the questions below and then see our guide at the bottom.