10 Signs that Jamaica is Suffering from a Serious Outbreak of Chikungunya

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You, your wife, your 2 kids, your gardener and your cousin Elrick in 4 Paths Clarendon all have the disease. Your dog Rambo also seems to have a strange rash and a feverish look about him.

2.  In pharmacies across the island Mosquito repellent is outselling deodorant 2-to-1.

3.  Your wife throws out a glass of ice water you left on the kitchen counter 5 minutes ago because “mosquitoes are known to breed in standing water, honey”.

4.  The Government keeps saying there are only a few dozen confirmed cases in the island and since the Government is always late to the party you KNOW we're in trouble. 

5.  Fashionable men and women are complementing their outfits with the not-so-delicate scents of Eau de Off and Essence de Vape instead of Issey Miyake and Chanel No 5.

6.  People who normally pour scorn on herbal remedies are busy boiling up gallons of paw-paw (papaya) leaf tea because they hear its a sure-fire cure. 

7.  Houses that used to be locked up tight after dark to keep out criminals are now locked up even tighter to keep out mosquitoes. When Chicken-gun-man scares Jamaicans more dan regular gunman yuh know there’s a problem.

8.  There’s so much smoke pouring out of my house from my mosquito destroyer that my neighbour called the fire brigade three times this week.

9.  The disease, supposedly spread by the Aedes Aegypti mosquito, moves from person to person so fast you start to wonder if its really being spread via text message.

10.  A random mosquito flying through your living room is terminated with more violence than an ISIS jihadist beheading an American journalist.