Sure Signs Jamaica is Experiencing Flood Rains

Sometimes yuh haffi tek serious ting mek joke. As I was mopping out my flooded kitchen last night in my water boots and gloves, I thought about the sure signs that Jamaica is experiencing flood rains:

1. It doesn’t matter how many times the warnings are announced on radio and tv, it's GUARANTEED that somebody's car will get washed away as they try to drive through a gully during the rain.

2. Muddy brown water is coming through holes in your roof, cracks in your window, spaces under your door, gaps in the floor and all manner of openings and crevices in your house that you never knew existed.

3. There's enough water in your backyard for you to seriously consider planting rice.

4. Recently built roads with (supposedly) adequate drainage turn into ponds, lakes and roaring rivers after 10 minutes of rain leaves an inch-and-a-half of water on the roads.

5. Your 30 minute commute to work becomes a 2 hour marathon in bumper-to-bumper traffic. And when you get to work the boss tells you the office will be closing for the day in 10 minutes.

6.When the rain starts people will say things like “Yes man, showers of blessing man” and “We need likkle rain man”. Two days later those same people will be saying “Ah wah kinda crosses dis fada? Di rain cyaan stop all now?!”

7. As you attempt to navigate flooded roads during through the storm, some enterprising young lad will politely offer to guide you through the most dangerous sections of the road... for a fee. And when your car stalls, he'll charge you another fee to push your car out of the road.