Things Jamaicans loved (but thank God we don't love them any more)


Psychiatrists tell us that in order to move on and let go of unpleasant memories we first have to confront those memories, no matter how uncomfortable that process makes us, and come to terms with them. If you believe that crap, take a deep breath, this could be painful...

Here’s a short list of things that Jamaicans once loved and have since had the good sense to get over:

Cash Plus: Ok, so the greasy ponytail and the jail record should’ve tipped me off. I got caught up like everybody else. Sue me!

Democratic Socialism: Its amazing how food shortages and a state of emergency can ruin a love affair.

Gator Joggers: Cheap. Indestructible. Ugly as sin. I guess it was the 70’s and Nike never really reach Jamaica yet?

Jeans with really narrow legs: Wait… Aw, hell… Those are back in style!

Jherri Curls: Just admit it, at some point in the 80’s, you or someone you knew, had those wet, juicy, oily curls that left a stain on the sofa. Confession is good for the soul! Don’t make me go for the photo album!

Ladas: Cheap, sturdy and readily available from the Soviet Union, Ladas were “understandably” very popular in Jamaica in the 1980’s. Unfortunately, they were also about as stylish as a concrete block and did 0-60mph in about a week-and-a-half.

MC Hammer pants: Do not act like you don’t know what I’m talking about! The shiny pants with the super-long crotch and the tight legs? You know you had a pair, just say so!

Michael Jackson: You know Jamaicans love you when it takes 8 nose jobs, total transformation from black to white and persistent allegations of paedophilia before they start to turn against you! Thankfully, we’ve moved past that stage. I mean its not as if we would all be lining up for three days to watch Michael perform if he came to Jamaica tomorrow, right? Right?

Olint: Mere words cannot describe the bitterness…

Waist pack/Belt bag: You remember these… Americans call them “fanny packs”. The pouch attached to a belt that you strapped around your waist? Not too sure what went in them since this was before. Don’t remember them? Good. Some things are best forgotten…