Sweet Nothings for the 21st Century

lovers final
Centuries ago star-crossed lovers uttered sweet nothings along the lines of “How do I love thee, let me count the ways” (Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Sonnet #43) and “Shall I compare thee to a summers day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate” (Shakespeare, Sonnet #18 ). In more recent times sweethearts (at least in the movies anyway) were saying things like “You complete me” (Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire) and “Don’t forget I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her” (Julia Roberts in Notting Hill).

These, of course, are among some of the most romatic lines ever, but to us at ThingsJamaicansLove.com they sound a little old fashioned, a little sugary and just a little bit corny. As far as we’re concerned, while the passion lovers feel is timeless and enduring the sweet nothings they use should be updated from time to time. That in mind, we decided to create some updated sweet nothings for modern Jamaican lovers:

“Patsy mi need yuh like how Mona dam need rain”

“Joyce yuh sweet mi like remittance money ah Christmas time”

“My love for you will burn forever like Riverton City dump”

“Boo, yuh have mi heart lock like IMF lock Jamaica economy.”

“Girl, I going chase you like a scammer chase a retiree with a pension cheque”

“Bae, my love for you gonna grow and grow forever like my light bill”

“Josette, dis ya lovin more passionate than Manatt Phelps Phillips enquiry”

“Love you like Duttyberry love Tessanne”

“Gyal dah supm weh yuh have hold mi tight like how bad luck hold Asafa”

“Bwoy Toneisha mi love yuh like how JLP love cass-cass”

“Yuh nuh haffi worry Tedroy. Like Portia will never run Paulwell, I will never run you”

“If mi eva hold yuh, mi give yuh some loving weh mek you sing high note like Tessanne Chin”

“Mi nah go run weh leave yuh like how NWC run weh leave road weh dem jus dig up”

“Girl, I’ll spend money on you like PNP spend money before an election.”