1. We do not sit and around and smoke weed all day long. Of course we could, if we wanted to, because we grow lots of really really good weed but weed is not free and we are a poor 3rd World Country. Only rich Americans can afford to sit around and smoke weed all day, which is why we export it to you.
2. We do not listen to Bob Marley’s music all day long. We listen to his sons’ music all day long. (Bob had several sons, most of whom are musicians. – Damian “Junior Gong” Marley, Steven Marley, Ziggy Marley, Julian Marley and Kymani Marley.)
3. We do not say “yeah mon” in every sentence. You’re pretty sure you heard your Jamaican friend in the cubicle next to you say those very same words just a few minutes ago? Well, yeah mon, I’m sure he did but he was probably just making fun of you.
4. We do not sit around on the beach all day growing our dreadlocks and tanning. We’d like to, but people have work to do, mon.
5. Forget that Cool Runnings crap the average Jamaican does not spend his weekends bobsleighing down Blue Mountain peak.
6. We are not the most violent people on earth. Though we’re not the least bit proud of it, according to United Nations statistics, we’re the 4th most violent people on earth. Check your facts son. Don’t get it twisted.
7. Not of all us can run fast like Usain Bolt. We could if we wanted to but who wants to get all sweaty and stuff.
8. When we migrate to other countries we do not work 18 part time jobs. With the world economy being the way it is we’re lucky if we can get 4 or 5 part-time jobs.
9. Jamaica is not a small island in the Caribbean Sea. Jamaica is a global super-power, a force of nature, a world dominator, and a state of mind.
10. We don’t immediately say “bumboclaat” when we get mad. C’mon mon, we’re way more creative than that. We also say rassclaat, mummaclaat, bloodclaat, sicclaat etc.
11. We’re not all expert dancers who immediately “bruck out” and do all kinds of complicated moves the minute a dancehall song is played. BUT, (and please don’t take this the wrong way) even the oldest, blindest, least co-ordinated, most arthritis-afflicted Jamaican has more rhythm than almost anyone else in the world. And you know this.
12. Only Jamaicans born in Jamaica have real Jamaican accents and you cannot acquire one by saying things like “irie”, “booyakah” and “yuhsimi” in every sentence.
13. Not every Jamaican man has 14 babymothers. Some of us have 15.
14. Not every Jamaican woman has a beautiful figure like Shelly Ann Fraser-Price. We are a God-bless country but we’re not that lucky.
15. We are not always trying to be beat the system. Ok, that’s not true. Yes, we are. But that's because the system is designed to keep us down and it is our patriotic duty as Jamaicans to defeat it.
16. We’re not all smiling and super-friendly like you see in the Tourist Board ads on tv. We’re even nicer than that. Yuhseet mon?