Ladies and gentlemen, here at ThingsJamaicansLove.com we believe in recognising exceptional performance in whatever field of endeavour it may occur. One area in which Jamaica has consistently produced remarkable performances is bad roads. Jamaica’s performances in this area are so numerous and the standard so “high” that its almost impossible to say which are the worst of our terrible roads. We went ahead and tried anyway. So, without further ado, the Nominees for ThingsJamaicansLove.com’s Worst Roads in Kingston & St. Andrew 2010/2011 are:
Haining Road (Off Worthington Ave/Belmont Road) - In recent years Haining Road has resembled something that’s been the subject of sustained shelling by a fleet of air force bombers. The road was recently patched but recent reports tell us that its well on its way to being decrepit again.
Kings Way – (Road behind Devon House which leads to Hope Road) There’s nothing “kingly” about this road… or majestic, or regal, or royal for that matter. Truthfully, parts of it look like a Cambodian minefield after a troop of soldiers has attempted to cross it on foot. King or commoner, we suggest you take an alternate route if possible.
Moreton Park Terrace (Road linking Molynes Road and Cassia Park Road) – For years this road was responsible for destroying the suspensions of motor vehicles and the spines their drivers until it was resurfaced in 2010. Shockingly, however, the road is already falling apart again and is therefore back in the runnings for this years’ Awards. One good shower of rain and we expect it to be back to top form!
Worthington Ave – (Right turn off Trafalgar Road heading towards Lady Musgrave) While Worthington Avenue is generally speaking not a bad road, many of you will have noticed (or fallen into) the pothole (ditch) in front of the University College of the Caribbean, which students of the college have nicknamed “The Widowmaker”. We believe that this achievement, by itself, makes Worthington Avenue deserving of a nomination.
Sandhurst Crescent (Section where Sandhurst meets East Kings House Road – across from Barbican football field) - For a number of years Sandhurst Crescent strongly resembled a cross between the Grand Canyon and the surface of the moon and as such is a top contender for this year’s prize. The section we are speaking about was recently resurfaced but we believe it deserves a nomination for years of outstanding performance.
Millsborough – In Jamaica we believe in equality, so even the wealthy have sh#tty roads. Even the most expensive SUVs with 4 wheel drive and V-8 engines have difficulty driving through some of the trenches on this road.
Wellington Drive – (Takes you from Old Hope Road to Mona Road) If you want to practice your driving skills, a couple of circuits on this road spent dodging random holes that appear out of nowhere will quickly get you up to the standard of Jamaica’s best rally drivers.
Rockfort Road – (Coming from the airport heading to Kingston, the section in front of the Cement Factory) This road is generally in tolerable shape, except for the aforementioned section which boasts a massive, botomless chasm that residents of the area have nicknamed “The Abyss”. Locals tell stories about cattle and small childeren seen wandering near the pothole who suddenly disappear, never to be seen again.
Folks, the aformentioned roads are all credible contenders for this year’s award, but after careful consideration our panel of Judges has agreed that the hands-down winner for the Worst Road in Kingston & St. Andrew 2010/2011 is……
Skyline Drive – (Road that takes you over the top of Jacks Hill into Cherry Gardens) Skyline Drive is our clear winner because it has passed the level of having mere potholes. There is, in fact, a section of Skyline Drive that is entirely missing! Where a road used to be found there is now a yawning crevasse that was created, we are told, when flood rains washed away the base of the road. Congratulations Skyline Drive!
Folks we are already accepting nominations for the 2011/2012 Worst Road Awards! Our entry criteria are simple. Has your road recently been the subject of “attention” from the NWC? Do taxi drivers refuse to come to your home? If they do come, do they charge you extra for the wear and tear on their car’s suspension? Has your road not been repaired since the last general election? If the answer to any of these questions is yes then please feel free to send us your nominations. Thanks in advance!
Note: There’s a General Election on the way so don’t be surprised if, by the time of posting this, some of the roads mentioned above have already been fixed. Heck, some may be fixed by the time you finish this sentence.