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Things That Make You Go Hmm...

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Jamaica is an intruiging place. For the philosophically inclined there are many profound existential and metaphysical questions upon which to ponder. For example:

Why do bulla and pear taste so good together? Hmm…

How comes taxi drivers never seem to crash and die violently when they do all kinda madness on the road? Hmm…

In the age of Facebook, Twitter and videoconferencing why do people still love to send Greetings from Farin on tv at Christmas time? Hmm…

How comes the mentally ill men seen wandering naked on the streets of Kingston always seem to have extremely long____? Hmmm…

Were “Shower” and “Power” intentionally designed to rhyme? Hmm…

How comes Jamaican food tastes better when it comes out of a box sold from a shack on the side of the road as opposed to when its sold in a nice restaurant? Hmm…

Is anyone is surprised that the JDIP was a big ol’ pork barrell? Hmm…

How do you explain the popularity of Shebada in a country like Jamaica? Hmm…

Have you notied that Portia Simpson-Miller never seems to age? Hmm…

In any given year Jamaica is bound to have a hurricane, flood or a drought. So how comes we never seem to be fully prepared for any of them? Hmm…

Why is it that roads that are “repaired” today are in a state of disrepair 6 months later? Hmm…

You realize that nobody, not even the PNP themselves thought they were gonna win the election? Much less in a landslide? Hmm…

How is it that innercity kids can swim in the dangerously polluted Kingston Harbour and never get sick and if I stand in a crowded room for too long I get a new strain of the ebola virus? Hmm…

Have you ever actually heard a song by L.A. Lewis? Hmm…

If Vybz Kartel is deprived of his bleaching cream in prison, will he eventually revert to his original colour? Hmm…

Why does the Beenie, D’angel, Bounti Killa love-triangle never seem to end? Hmm…

How comes people who don’t have a drivers licence and have never driven a car insist on trying to give you expert guidance when reversing into a parking space? (“No man, just lock to di left. Now lock to di right. Left again. Full lock now.”) Hmm…

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The Full Scrolling List

Hot Guinness

Fred Sandford, George Jefferson and Mr. T

Being militantly homophobic

LOUD Dancehall music

Fat girls

The Death Penalty

Violent feuds between dancehall artists

Hardough bread

Bulla an pear

Michael Jackson

Pretending to embrace the rastafarian culture

Not locking off the dance at 2am

Cussing America while keeping green card in a vault

Having a 'link dung a warf'

Good weed

Tax avoidance

Inept Politicians

Good Hair

Any tonic/potion/drink that promises improved sexual performance

Bleaching

Rambo

Sending greetings from farin at Chrstmas time

West Indies Cricket Team and the Reggae Boyz... when they are winning...

Dances that only a few people know how to do

Praedial larceny

Beating a praedial larcenist

Beating thieves in general

Six-a-side football

Cell phones

White rum

Dominoes

Having the reputation for being the most violent people in the world

A good "kickers" (martial arts movie)

A barrel from farin at christmas time/easter/new years/labour day...

Rims, spoilers, loud mufflers and other things that usually cost more than the car itself...

Buying licence

Patties

Fried chicken with curry goat/stew beef/ox-tail gravy

Cass-Cass

Weave

Scandal bags

Hockey and saltfish

Cawn pork

Banana flitters

Unquestioning devotion to either of the 2 major political parties

Migration

Freenis

Stew chicken for breakfast

Hot Red Stripe for breakfast

Thursday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday night street dance

Sky juice

Bag juice

Kisco pop

Souls (soul music)

Giving kids made-up names

Duppy Story

Nine Night

Country funerals

Goat feed

Banging pot covers at football matches/track meets/political rallies

Blocking roads

Demanding "Justice"

Cussing JPS

Tiefing light

Beating nations 20 times our size in a variety of sports

Jumping Fence

Threatening to apply "monkey lotion" on our female rivals

Hustling

Christmas breeze

Turning 20ft. shipping containers into homes, offices, restaurants and studios

Fry dumpling

Controversial radio talk show hosts

Sucking chicken bones after a meal

Running a boat

Milo

Horlicks

Disputes with family members about "Dead lef"

Devon House ice cream

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