Creating Names for a Woman’s…*ahem*
We thought long and hard about writing this post. Would a post about Jamaican slang names for the female genitalia be too much for the delicate sensitivities of Thingsjamaicanslove.com’s beloved readers? Would they be mortified and offended? Would they disapprove so strongly that they would abandon the website? Finally, we decided that since ThingsJamaicansLove.com’s mandate is to study and discuss the myriad things which “make Jamaicans Jamaican” then this was a subject we could no longer ignore.
We felt obliged to ask the question - WHY do Jamaican men have so many names for the female genitalia? Well, I once read somewhere that the greater the love one has for a thing then the more names one is likely to create for that thing. If this is true, then its abundantly clear that Jamaican men have a deep and profound for a woman’s you-know-what as we’ve managed to create an amazing range of names for said private parts. That in mind, ThingsJamaicansLove.com, in the furtherance of our mission of sharing knowledge and without meaning to offend, thought we would share a few of these names with you:
Pum pum – we decided to start with the most popular Jamaican slang name of them all for a woman’s *ahem*. There are many variants including “pums” but “pumpum” is almost ubiquitous and deserves a place of honour in the pantheon of Jamaican Names for the Female Genitalia. We’re not sure of the origin of this name but it seems to have appeared in the 1980s as references abound in 1980s dancehall music. (The song “Needle Pum Pum” by Shabba Ranks is just one example)
Punnaany – Often shorted to “naany” this is possibly the next most popular Jamaican term for the female genitalia? Shabba Ranks’ “Love Punanny Bad”, Lecturer’s “Punaany too sweet”, Little Lennie’s “Thinking Punaany all the Time” and Admiral Bailey’s “Gimme Punaany” underscore the popularity of the term, at least in 80’s dancehall music. “Punash” is a related term and if your woman has ever called you a “punaany teg-eh-reg” then pat yourself on the back.
Glammity – sometimes shortened to “Glam” or “Glammy”
Gumption – Definitely one of TJL’com’s favourite pumpum names. Gumption is a wonderful play on words that would make Shakespeare himself proud. The word “Gumption” in common English means spirit, vim and courage and what better name for a thing which stirs so much vigor in, and requires so much vigor from one when it is being attended to? We could also point to the play on words found in “gum-shon” – “gum” of course being something sticky and adhesive, not unlike the irresistable pull of the naany.
The I-Shall-Return - The meaning is obvious… its the thing that mek him haffi come back. Two similar terms are the “the Hold Mi and Neva Leave Mi” and “the Nah Let Mi Go”.
The Stickity-staydeh - This might be a reference to the tightness of its “grip” or a more metaphorical reference to its ability to keep a man?
Tight Underneath - We don’t think this name needs much explanation. There may not be a single more descriptive name in the entire English language.
Chocho – Why one would name it after this rather bland and tasteless vegetable? We’re not entirely sure. (Which is not to say that I’m making any reference to, or comment on, the taste or lack thereof in the female “chocho”)
The Phat till it buff – My all time favourite.
The ten-ton. Aka “The hundredweight”.
Hookobit – A term which has entered popular Jamaican parlance in recent times, no doubt through the dancehall, its origins are murky, though one may be able to find some trace of its origin in the “hook” portion of the name; a hook being something one can use to catch certain “animals”?
Needle eye – Another name which needs little explanation though it occurs to us that if something is the size of a “needle eye” then any “thread” entering that needle eye must also be quite small too. Not so?