TJL’s Guide to Whether You’re Still Jamaican


Are you a Jamaican who’s lived abroad for many years?  Do you sometimes feel like you’ve lost your identity? Have you acquired an American/English/Russian accent without even knowing it?  Do your kids consider America/England/Russia home?  Well, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost touch with your roots take’s foolproof test to see you’re still really Jamaican. Answer “yes” or “no” to the questions below and then see our guide at the bottom.

1. Even though you haven’t visited Jamaica in 14 years do you still have a ¼ acre of land “dung a Sainty” that you plan to build a house on when you retire?
2. Do you remember who “Barry G the Boogieman” is?
3. Even though you live in the peaceful suburbs of Miami/Atlanta/New Jersey do you still drive around with half-a-lass under your car seat?
4. Win, lose or draw do you still cheer for the Reggae Boyz, Reggae Girlz and the West Indies Cricket team?
5. Is it your unshakeable belief that American Football is not a real sport? Do you only watch “real” football?
6. Even if you can’t attend do you still follow Boys Champs – and cheer for KC or Calabar?
7. Is your general attitude towards life summed up by the words “Mi nuh fraid ah no guy. Nuh time ah day”?
8. Do you have a dancehall cd from Cassette Ninja playing in your car right this very moment as you cruise the I95?
9. Can you still tell the difference between a Bombay, East Indian and Julie mango blindfolded, hands tied behind your back using smell and taste alone?
10. Can you tell the difference between Yellow yam, Renta yam and Negro yam blindfolded using taste alone?
11. Even if you live in the heart of the Australian Outback do you always have Grace Tomato Ketchup and Milo in the cupboard - because, as far as you’re concerned, there are no real substitutes for these items?
12. Having lived abroad for 22 years, if you were dropped in the middle of downtown Kingston tonight could you still find your way to Papine (on foot, by bus, or otherwise) within 30 minutes? (Or 45 minutes, because you had to stop at a street dance at Torrington Bridge to get a hot Guinness and a cup of soup?)
13. Do you have a hard time understanding why Americans are so squeamish about giving a bad pickney a good flogging?
14. Do you remember when to say “Boom” during the singing of the National Anthem?

Jamaicaness Meter:
If you answered yes to 8-14 questions -  Respect mi don, yuh keep di link strong still. Jamaican to di core.
If you answered yes to 6 or 7 questions – Yes, you’re still a yardie
If you answered yes to less than 6 questions -  Yuh switch. Surrender your Jamaican passport and apply for permanent citizenship wherever you are.